Bad Host Lets Dogs Lick Plates and Fart

Dr. Worthington,

Everytime I go to my brother’s house, he always cooks a great dinner. I enjoy our family get togethers and we have great conversation. The one issue I have is at the end of the meal. He puts all the dishes down on the ground for the dogs to lick up. He says its easier to put in the dishwasher. But throughout the night, his dogs have nasty flatulence that can gag a buzzard. Each time I bring it up, he says it saves him time from hand washing or soaking the dishes. I think the whole thing is disgusting. Especially the dog farts. What can be done here to put a stop to it? I do like spending time with him otherwise as he is a great guy.

Greg,
Louisville, KY

a dog fartingWell Greg, as unsanitary as it is, I actually let my dogs do the same thing. I see his angle here, it is easier to clean and the dishwasher will sanitize the dishes here, so I think you may be overreacting. However, I totally get the dog flatulence and how annoying it may be. He should take your thoughts into consideration especially as the host. So here’s what you do:

Three hours prior to your next visit, eat a lot of the foods that make you pass gas in the worst way. Everybody has their own elixir of foods. For me, its eggs and ribs. That combination for me peels the paint off of walls. From beginning to end of the visit, pass as much gas as you can without shitting your pants.

Tell your brother that this is “alfa male” gas and you are in direct competition with the dogs. As long as the dogs are passing gas, then you feel the need to re-establish dominance of the space and mark your territory. This will no doubtedly puzzle your brother and may encourage working to a compromise. Tell him that if he lays off putting the dishes down while you’re visiting and waits until you leave, then you’ll cease fire.

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