Arguement | Girlfriend Wants a Three-way with Another Guy

Dr. Worthington,

My girlfriend keeps on talking about having a three-way, but with another guy, which I’m not all about that. No matter how many times I tell her I’m not down with having another guy involved, she keeps arguing the point. Is there anything that I can say that can put her argument to rest?

Carl,
Traverse City, MI

couple arguing about having a three wayWell Carl, Let me tell you a story about how I went through the same thing with a former girlfriend of mine and maybe you can pick some things here that you can use.

So I had this girlfriend when I lived in Florida who I was pretty serious with. One day, she brings up that she would like to have a three-way with another guy. I was very opposed to the idea, but she like your girlfriend, was very adamant that she wanted to do this. I tried to close that discussion many times and she was very persistent.

She kept on asking me why, I didn’t want to engage in a three-way with another guy. So I told her not only was I uncomfortable with it, which should have been good enough. But I also told her that while she’s having fun being a on a man rôtisserie, or a mantisserie as it were, I’ve got to deal with the fact that there is another dude across the way and I’m not good at small talk. What am I supposed to do, talk about the weather? Sports? Keep on hi-fiving the guy? It’s very awkward. What if he performs better than myself? No, no, none of this was adding up at all

So, not giving up, she asked if I thought it was gay to do that and I said no, but I was uncomfortable. She asks me if I ever saw a three-way porn, to which I replied no, because I wasn’t interested. So she goes and gets her laptop and starts showing me one. I stood there and had this stance, you know, like an umpire that calls balls and strikes. And like an umpire, as soon as I saw ball four, I issued a walk. A walk away from the computer. I went to a different room and told her that if this was that important to her, then she should go find somebody else. She eventually gave up, but was disappointed.

She then said that she would rule out a three-way with women. I said fine. If I have to give that up that’s no biggie because of how much it made me uncomfortable. I’m a traditionalist anyways and not very good at multitasking so it probably wouldn’t have worked anyways. Someone would have been left out in that scenario and I’m not one to disappoint.

Keep in mind Carl, you’re in the majority of regular guys here. Most won’t even consider it and would rather be in a  traditional relationship where it’s one-on-one. If she is insistent, you may have to set that ultimatum and even then, she may go outside of the relationship if she wants it that bad. So you may be in line for a tough decision here.

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